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STRATEGY FOR THE DAY: Express love.

The Accountant's Muse

A little while ago, I made an offhand comment in my journal about accountants and love songs. I received this wonderful email in reply. It is honest, open, and expresses emotional truths that many poets have struggled with. And it came from an accountant. Well, so much for my stereotype! I asked for permission to share it and the writer graciously agreed on condition that he not be identified for reasons you will, no doubt, understand. A compilation of the Muse articles he refers to can be found on my web site here: Love and Longing: the world of poets and muses.

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Hi Robin,

In one of your diary entries, you wrote --- “There's hope for the music business yet. Now if we could just teach a couple of accountants the rudiments of lyric writing...”

Well, I may be the “accountant” part and after reading my story, you can determine if the “rudiments of lyric writing” part applies or not. I’m a typical, 50-something accountant. I don’t read music, don’t know one note from another, don’t play an instrument and don’t sing.  So how did I end up reading your entertaining diaries? I’m not exactly sure, but in so reading, I did discover that an ”event” that had happened in my life/heart about five years ago was probably because of the highly mysterious “Muse Effect”. 

I found I could relate to virtually every comment you made in your articles about the Muse. My Muse was only in my life for about 6 months before she moved on to a better job in another company but has continued to affect me daily ever since then even though I haven’t seen her since.

I have felt guilt, confusion and despair for all those years because I couldn’t understand how a guy like me could have ever have those types of feelings because of someone. Especially someone who wasn’t my wife. I’ve been happily married for over 30 years, have always loved my wife and always will. She’s my best friend.   I’m absolutely sure that if anything happens to her I will soon die of a broken heart.

But 5 years ago, life was rougher than normal and at the same time, I began working on a project with a girl at work. I had known her marginally for several years but had never been close. She was a moral, virtuous, smart, pretty girl who was 12 years younger than me and happily married (or, as you put it, "quite unobtainable"). But one day, something totally unexpected happened to me that was reflective of these quotes of yours ---"you feel something fly out of you and into them; that person suddenly takes on a luminous quality in your mind's eye. Their image fills your thoughts and your heart with yearning and an ache you know you will feel forever." 

It was some kind of love that I hadn’t felt before but what kind was it? It wasn’t so much of a physical attraction even though I suddenly thought she was the most beautiful girl in the entire world.  The only time I ever touched her was to hug her goodbye (tough day) when she left to go to work at a different company. It was just that a few minutes of being around her each day transformed my entire world into a place that could not be more perfect. The dark clouds were gone and the sun was shining. I would have done anything in the world for her, for just one of her smiles.   

It felt like I was dying (irregular heart beat and hyper-ventilation) when she left for another job.  I knew I’d never see her again and I would never come close to feeling quite this happy again. It was after she left that the tidal waves of emotions became so over-whelming.  Since I felt so guilty about feeling that strongly about her, I couldn’t really talk to anybody else about what it was that I felt. I had no way to get the emotions out. I began walking alone at night, listening to the music of Kenny G, Jim Brickman and various others. My feelings began to magically turn into words that fit the melodies of their songs in perfect relationship to what was churning away in my heart and soul. 

I ended up writing lyrics to 25 songs (apparently ghost songs… another thing I learned from your articles). I also wrote about 70 poems though only a dozen or so of them were directly related to the subject of my muse. For a while, the “muse effect” prompted me to write poems for various friends at my work, for their new babies, for birthdays, for anniversaries and other important events in their lives.  Everybody thought they were very entertaining and a-muse-ing (sorry).

I never intended to write the lyrics to be published. I wrote them only as an outlet for the emotions I’d never had before… and didn’t understand. My wife would be very hurt if she ever found out that I had written songs that had been inspired by someone other than her. I would never do anything to hurt her and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have much sympathy for or understanding of the “Muse Effect”. I’m also afraid my moral, upright, married Muse would be very hurt if she knew that I had written such beautiful verses because of her. So unless you have any other suggestions, I guess I’d better pass on the millions of potential income from royalties :-)  I’m not sure that it’s worth taking the chance of hurting those you love.

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Read Notes On Songwriting by Robin Frederick for more information and insights into writing songs that reach out to listeners.

Copyright 2007 Robin Frederick. All rights reserved.